I Don't Want to Wait for My Project to Be Over

I could never make it on the Jersey Shore.  My body isn't capable of staying out past 11:30 anymore, and I can't even imagine dancing until 6 AM.  If I am discovered in a bar at closing time, it is because I have died on the stool.  Other than that, I cannot compile a reasonable explanation as to why I am not at home in bed.  It is embarrassing to admit, but I am only barely past the quarter life crisis stage.  What the Jersey Shore needs is a wise middle aged knitter with wisdom who gives great life advice.  I could be the modern day "Grams" from the 'Creek.  I don't even need to make what the Situation makes per episode.  I would be content making half that.  Everyone could be "smooshing" and doing the "GTL" thing and I could be spinning yarn in a corner making witty observations.  I will say that being cast for the Jersey Shore is like winning the lottery for those people.  It requires no outright skill or aptitude, yet it yields big bucks.  I don't think I would be suitable for any show on television right now.  But, if anyone hears of a casting agent looking to cast any of the following, please let me know:  Who Wants to Be Taylor Swift's Best Friend?; Commuting Nightmares; Practical Jokes Gone Awry; Watching Someone Knitting For Hours; and Why John Adams Was A Terrible President.  I would be a natural, especially if a few of those were combined to where I would be knitting while knocking John Adams while Taylor Swift plays in the background.  Another million dollar idea!