Take This Job and Shove It

From time to time, I get sucked into Man Vs. Food on the Travel Channel.  For those of you who do not know what I am talking about, it is basically a guy that goes around the country and takes those food challenges where you have to eat something akin to a 64 ounce steak in an hour.  There are a lot of them across the country.  I have been unaware.  There are a few foods out there where I feel as though I could compete in any eating contest.  Pancakes, cake, yeast rolls, Reese's Cups, and corn on the cob are only a few.  The best part about the show is that in the first season, he was reasonably thin.  In the current season, he needs a Bro.  Some of the things he puts into his body leave me wondering how he does not have diabetes.  I guess if your job is to eat across the country and to score yourself as many free restaurant t-shirts as you can, then diabetes is an occupational hazard.  How lucky is a guy who loves food to get this job??  Why isn't knitting my job?  I would be awesome at knitting under a time constraint, dealing with my own occupational hazards.  We have repetitive motion.  But, then again, so does every office worker in the world.  Lame.  We also get a lot of disappointed looks when people open homemade knitted gifts for Christmas when they expected a video game.  That is a crippling occupational hazard, much like an arrow through the heart.  "Oh... thaaaaanks."  I am going to send a proposal to the Travel Channel to send me to yarn shops all over the country.  I will challenge little old ladies to a knit-off.  First person to knit a sweater vest wins carpal tunnel!  Wait-will that turn me into my arch enemy, Bobby Flay??  This concept sounds like Showdown with Bobby Flay.  Don't even get me started on his heartless scheme to go to a town, trick someone into thinking they are hosting their own special on the Food Network, then beat them at their own craft!  If Bobby Flay comes to my house to spin yarn better than me, I will punch him in the sack.